


Inside Your Mind

by peiceoftoast



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Isak is sad, M/M, Mental Health Issues, even is the best bf ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:42:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peiceoftoast/pseuds/peiceoftoast
Summary: Isak’s heart is racing, he knows he should at least try to tell Even about this sinking feeling that’s taking over him. He should tell him how difficult it's getting to make himself get out of bed every morning, to go to school and do all of the work that's required of him. How it all feels like too much for him suddenly.But all Isak wants to do is run.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 14
Kudos: 119





	Inside Your Mind

“You okay man?”

Isak's head snapped up from the homework he has spread out on the lunch table, meeting Jonas’ worried gaze.

“Yeah I’m good,” Isak huffed out something slightly resembling a laugh. “I'm just really tired, I was studying for that biology test all night.” Jonas just gives him a look in return, one that Isak knew all too well at this point. A look that tells Isak he doesn’t believe him in the slightest.

“You’re a shit liar Isak.” Jonas says softly.

“I’m not lying Jonas, seriously. I’m just tired.” He tries to smile at him but he knows Jonas sees right through him, and it pisses him off. Sometimes he hates how well Jonas knows him, how he can't hide anything from him for long.

But Isak doesn’t even really know what Jonas is seeing through this time. He really is fine, he’s just tired. Maybe a little bit more restless than usual. He’s perfectly fine, it just feels like there’s a giant heavy weight tied around his heart that’s pulling him downwards, and he doesn’t understand it. Everything is going great for him, better than it ever has. He's supposed to be the happiest he's ever been in his life. He’s living with Even, he’s closer than he’s ever been to his friends, but whatever this is just won’t go away. And he can’t explain it, and it’s frustrating him.

“Something's up with you man, I don’t know what it is,” Jonas says. “But whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Isak just looks back down at his homework that he hasn't had the motivation to even start. He feels nauseous.

_____

“You alright babe?”

Isak looks up at Even’s concerned face, his eyes shifting from Isak’s to his hands, and Isak realizes that they’re shaking. He puts his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, laughing as he says “Yeah Ev I’m fine, I think I just need to eat something.” He could feel Even’s worried eyes on him as he opened their snack cabinet and took out a granola bar. The look he was giving him was the same one Jonas had given him. The same look that Magnus and Mahdi had been giving him all week. It was really starting to annoy Isak, how everybody was staring at him lately. Like something was wrong. He was fine, everything was going really well, but that other feeling in his stomach just wouldn’t go away. He still didn’t know what it was. He felt like he was constantly sinking, he physically felt like his body was too heavy to even get out of bed some days. And the fact that he didn’t know why he felt like this was angering him. This was supposed to be the happiest time of his life, living in an apartment with Even, the love of his life. There really wasn’t anything wrong, his emotions didn’t make any sense to him.

“Did something happen at school?” Even asked.

“No I’m- why does everyone think something’s wrong?” Isak snaps, and Even looks surprised at his change of tone. “Sorry I’m just-“ Isak took a shaky breath. “You’re just like, the millionth person to ask me what’s wrong when nothing is.”

Even gives him a look that he can’t really decipher, he still looks worried but it’s more concealed. Isak hates it. He hates that he's making Even worry, especially when there really isn't anything to be worrying about.

It’s getting late so they end up simply going to bed, the atmosphere still slightly tense. Even holds him close once they're in bed, running his fingers through Isak’s hair. “I trust you Isak, if you say you’re alright I believe you. But if something’s wrong you can talk to me. I'm serious.” He whispers.

Isak’s heart is racing, he knows he should at least try to tell Even about this sinking feeling that’s taking over him. He should tell him how difficult it's getting to make himself get out of bed every morning, to go to school and do all of the work that's required of him. How it all feels like too much for him suddenly.

But all Isak wants to do is run.

_____

A few days later nothing has really changed. Everyone is still looking at Isak like he's going to break, like they're waiting for him to explode. Isak was only getting more and more frustrated. Frustrated at the constant concern from everyone, frustrated that he wouldn't be able to tell them what's wrong even if he wanted to. The frustration was only making him feel worse, it was just suffocating him even more. He was so confused and tired, he just wanted to enjoy the new direction that his life was going in. But whatever this was, was getting in the way.

He was sitting at the kitchen table trying to concentrate on his homework when he noticed Even in the doorway, giving him that worried look again. He’s been letting Isak have his space, not pestering him too much. Even knows all too well how annoying that can be.

As Isak looks back at Even he feels an overwhelming wave of sadness wash over him. He’s just so tired, he wants to stop feeling this way.

“I’m worried about you baby.”

Hearing Even say that breaks some kind of dam within Isak.

“I’m fine,” Isak’s voice cracks. “I’m okay, I’m... I don’t-“

“Isak-“

Isak could feel his heart banging against his chest and his hands were shaking. It almost felt as though he was suffocating under the weight of everything he wanted to tell Even. He just didn’t know how. He didn’t know what this was.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t...I don’t know.”

Even steps closer to him and softly runs his hand through Isak’s hair, trying to let him know he could take his time. Isak took a shaky breath, trying to find the words to explain this thing he’d been feeling for far longer than he could remember. Trying to remember when it started to get as strong as it was right now. He couldn’t even pinpoint when it started, couldn’t remember the moment when it began to feel like he was walking through life completely numb. He tried to think back to a time in his life where he’d ever really known any semblance of peace, but all he’s ever really known was chaos.

His mother getting sick.

His sister leaving him, and his father not long afterwards.

The drugs he used to try and bury the confusion he felt surrounding his sexuality.

He’d just let everything pile on top of one another. He’d swallowed down everything, pushed away the more his life had changed. It felt like it was for the best, it was easier to just bury it all and not face it. It became his new normal. He didn’t even notice it after a while. But now everything he has spent so long burying was all finally bubbling up to the surface, taking hold of every inch of him and pulling him downward. It felt so wrong. Now that he was finally happy and being himself, living with the man of his dreams and having endless support from his and Even’s friends he was stuck in this rut.

Isak lets out a sob, tries to pull away from Even as he takes Isak’s hand.

“Baby...” Even says, and he sounds so worried that it makes Isak’s heart hurt even more.

“I don’t know, I....it’s too much, you know? Everything’s too much.” Isak says.

He looks up at Even hesitantly, sees there’s tears in his eyes and he panics. “But it’s fine it’s- it’s okay I don’t know why I’m-” He’s getting frustrated at how his voice shakes. “It’s stupid.”

Even cups his face in his hands. “Isak it’s not stupid, it’s okay to feel like everything is too much sometimes.” Isak just nods his head and tries to blink back the tears that are threatening to spill out of his eyes. “You don’t have to go through everything alone anymore, okay?” Even says. And it sounds like he really means it, he sounds so serious that it makes Isak want to cry. So he does. He pushes himself out of his chair and buries his face in Even’s shoulder and finally lets everything he’s kept buried inside of him out. Even holds him tightly, kissing his forehead and rubbing his back. “You’re not alone Isak. You don’t have to keep everything bottled up, you can talk to me. You can talk to your friends, we’re here.” Isak holds onto Even like he’s his lifeline, tries to really sink into the fact that he has a real family now. He has people who care about him and are able to make him really feel every emotion that goes through him.

He’d wanted to run for so long, to keep going- to never stop. He just wanted a sense of control in his life, something he never felt like he had until now. He couldn’t make sense of what he was feeling, he still couldn’t articulate it. He knew something was wrong, that something had been wrong for a really long time. But he wasn’t alone like he used to be. He could feel Even’s strong arms around him, his heart beating through his chest, and he felt a sense of calmness wash over him.

He didn’t know how to explain what he was feeling just yet, didn’t know what to do to make it better.

But he knew that he was really tired of running.

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo thank u for reading!!! this was very very short and not that great but i'm trying to get back into writing so here u go. raise ur hand if u miss isak and even.


End file.
